Originally written in may 2011
So this past weekend I went to my sister Brooke's house, for my twin brothers, Dusty and Daniel's Going Away Party. They are deploying together next month and this party was the first time the 5 of us have been together in like 8 years. (That is Jacob, Brooke, Dusty, Daniel, and Me.)... Unfortunately, the reason why all 5 of us haven't been together for the last 8 years is because of me. I'm the only one that hasn't been around in the last 8 years. I love my brothers and sister. You don't get to pick who your family is, even if you try, but I am the black sheep in this family. I did horrible things to my sister and she hasn't trusted me in a long time. I hurt her because i felt like she was hurting me, by building the relationship with my dad that i always wanted. She got my dad in every aspect that i wanted. And I was jealous of her for a very long time. I have mended my relationship with my dad in the last couple years and things are much better. And I am trying to be an active member of this family. The Hathcock-Cowan/Wilcut family that I have always wanted to be apart of but didn't know how to be. I have always wanted to be apart of a big family just never knew my place in the family. I see now that I have to continue to mend relationships that I've broken in the last 11 years.
--------------------------------------------------
For the first 12 years of my life, I wanted a sister so bad. And then when my parents split and my dad and Kathy decided to bring us kids together, I finally got a sister. But I was so busy being jealous of her that I never got to know her as a person. I didn't get to have that big sister I always wanted because I didn't want to give her a chance because she got my dad in the ways i desired. I was so unhappy going to spend the weekends with my dad that i just didn't go. Now at 23 or almost 24 I missed out on having MY dad in my life. All because I couldn't get over my own insecurities. Now that i have grown up into adulthood and I am a mother, I only want a better relationship with my sister. I can only hope she will read this and understand what i went through in my teenage years and that i never had anything against her, and I'm truly sorry for taking your class ring.. I just wanted to hurt you, because i felt that you were taking something from me(my dad), so I wanted to take something from you that meant something. I'm sorry Cookie... I hope you can forgive me and we can build a relationship together.
No comments:
Post a Comment